The Team Fortress 2 Songbook
by randominuyasha
Summary: A collection of song parodies I've done that revolve around the games I love. Most actually turn out pretty darn good and usually resemble the song their based off of at least a little bit. I try to keep things as smooth as I can between the renditions.
1. Amazing SPY

That's just my luck, got killed again

That's just my luck, got killed again  
Spy went and backstabbed me  
I once was safe in our team's lane  
Though others disagree

Was just helping  
Some engineer  
His sentry did protect  
We did not see that spy appear  
No, we were not spy checked

Past many bullets, bombs, and traps  
He really did sneak by  
Could have got him many a time  
But he slipped past like a fly

He made it right into our base  
Disguised as a sniper  
He went and uncloaked in my place  
Stabbed me like a viper

Respawn time seems to take so long  
Clock slowly counting down  
Watch the others get backstabbed too  
That spy, he has the crown

That's just my luck, got killed again  
Spy went and backstabbed me  
I once was safe in our team's lane  
Though others disagree

* * *

So, this is the first of (hopefully) a few parody songs revolving around the video games I love. I dunno, this just came to me the other day. It's a parody of Amazing Grace (the upbeat version that you sing at camps and stuff). This is one of the few things in poetry I'm proud of; it sounds decent, and I got the rhyme scheme and number of syllables per line exact.

I don't own Amazing Grace or the Orange Box. I don't know who originally made Amazing Grace, but The Orange Box and all the wonderful games in it are copyright Valve.

This particular one, as you can probably guess, is about TF2. I was inspired to make it when there was a really skilled spy running around and I kept getting backstabbed.


	2. Waves of Lead

Waves of Lead

He swings his wrench, he builds his gun  
He stops us from advancing  
While he laughs at us for fun  
He sits there calmly now, and watches us all die  
Our push is failing and we really hate that guy

Now we flee, now we flee  
Because our uber's failing  
And his waves of lead are washing over, washing over me  
Now we flee, now we flee  
Because our uber's failing  
And his waves of lead are washing over, washing over me

Try to sneak by, but he kills us  
We just can't seem to kill it and it makes us cuss  
We try to destroy it, but we disappoint  
Just want to get rid of it so we can cap the point

Now we flee, now we flee  
Because our uber's failing  
And his waves of lead are washing over, washing over me  
Now we flee, now we flee  
Because our uber's failing  
And his waves of lead are washing over, washing over me

He tries but can't keep us all at bay  
His defences we break through  
That engineer we slay  
We think we've got them now, we think that we are free  
Until we turn the corner and see another sentry

Now we flee, now we flee  
Because our uber's failing  
And his waves of lead are washing over, washing over me  
Now we flee, now we flee  
Because our uber's failing  
And his waves of lead are washing over, washing over me

:end:

So heres another Team Fortress 2 parody poem, this one aimed at the engineer. The original song is Waves of Grace, though I dont know who made that one... I couldnt find any information on google. If anyone can tell me who wrote Waves of Grace, Id greatly appreciate them telling me so I can give that person credit. I did make this version, though... so yeah.

Ill come out with more as I randomly get struck by inspiration, but I have no way of telling when that will be. So this project could take any amount of time to complete, because I want to make one of these for each class as well as one for the game as a whole if possible.


	3. Double Jumper Rock

Double Jumper Rock

I'm a double jumper  
You're a double jumper  
We're all double jumpers  
Double double double jumper

Don't you run away  
Well all I gotta do when your attacks go astray I make you my prey

Yes you're all now my prey  
I'm a scout you say when you say I'm a scout  
I say say it again and then I say bonk

Now you are all dead  
So if you're thinking that you'd like to be my class go ahead and fly  
But just make sure you kick some ass

I'm a double jumper  
You're a double jumper  
We're all double jumpers  
Double double double jumper BOINK

:end:

So here's another TF2 themed song parody, this time revolving around the Scout. Inspiration struck for a few songs in the last few days so I might come out with more if I can get them organized. But yeah; I had to bring Spongebob into it. The first four lines were just too perfect to pass up the oppertunity. So anyway, here's the scout's parody poem for you all to read. I'm hoping to do the soldier next... but that could change randomly.

Spongebob, goofy goober rock (c) the people behind spongebob  
Soldier, TF2 (c) Valve  
Double Jumper Rock (c) me


	4. Soldier Day

Hear the sound of the soldier's fire

Hear the sound of the soldier's fire  
Flying at you in a giant spire  
It's dire  
His crit rockets you must admire

Hear the people's screams of pain  
As they try to get away in vain  
He laughs  
He sees the bodies of the slain

He stands there and he calls you all a loser  
And it's directed at the class's user  
It's the soldier

Hear the sound of his shotgun now  
As the soldier begins his mighty plough  
They die  
As they are all blown sky high

Now he starts to rocket jump  
And he lands on someone with a thump  
A fluke  
It almost makes one want to puke

He stands there and he calls you all a loser  
And it's directed at the class's user  
It's the soldier

Of all the classes the soldier now has the floor

Right now you're a bunch of maggots  
Time to inform your next of kin  
All the other classes are weak  
There is no way you're going to win  
You are not welcome in my world  
You all just a spineless worm  
Just scum sucking fruit baskets  
Your deaths he can surely affirm  
Give up, give up now and you won't be harmed

He stands there and he calls you all a loser  
And it's directed at the class's user  
He stands there and he calls you all a loser  
And it's directed at the class's user

This is the almighty soldier

:end:

Woohoo! The soldier's parody song is done! I actually took the time to look through part of my music library and tried making up some random lyrics/seeing which songs would suit which classes. So I have small ideas for every class now.

But knowing me, that doesn't mean all that much.

But anyway... this one is based off of Green Day's song Holiday. I think it turned out prety decent... some lines are short a syllable or two, but you don't notice that much once you drag out the others. It turns out sounding pretty smooth... at least when I sing it to myself.

Holiday (c) Green Day  
Soldier, TF2 (c) Valve  
this parody (c) me


	5. Flame Only Matters

He lurks around the bend there

He lurks around the bend there  
Waiting for another victim  
He plans to take them out with flair  
And this is the pyro

He makes sure to always spy check  
'Cause god knows we need to spy check  
All those spies burn in a wreck  
And this is the pyro

He launches an offensive run  
Won't stop burning 'til he is done  
You'll get burnt down with his flame gun  
And this is the pyro

Always watch what you might do  
Always look where you might go  
But I go

He lurks around the bend there  
Waiting for another victim  
He plans to take them out with flair  
And this is the pyro

Always watch what you might do  
Always look where you might go  
But I go

He makes sure to always spy check  
'Cause god knows we need to spy check  
All those spies burn in a wreck  
And this is the pyro

He launches an offensive run  
Won't stop burning 'til he is done  
You'll get burnt down with his flame gun  
And this is the pyro

Always look for that big flame  
Always look for who to blame  
Always look at what you do  
Always look at where you go  
And I go

He lurks around the bend there  
Waiting for another victim  
He plans to take them out with flair  
And this is the pyro

:end:

Here be the song for the pyro! It's based off of Metallica's song Nothing Else Matters. I think it turned out pretty well, but with most of my songs could be improved. I just don't know how to do that...

Anyway, yeah. This marks song 5 of the series, so I only have about 4 or 5 left to go, depending on if I do one for the game as a whole as well. Woohoo!

Nothing Else Matters (c) Metallica  
Pyro, TF2 (c) Valve  
This song (c) me


	6. He Blew Them Up

He laid those stickies near the wall  
And then he sat back  
He's got a plan they will all fall  
Waits for the attack  
It is what he does best  
Just willing them to come  
He wants them to explode  
Give them all a smack

He blew them up to keep control  
The sight of their massive blood loss  
He blew them up while on patrol  
The big explosion dug a hole  
It looked so bad  
It looked so good  
They blew up right where they stood  
He blew them up to keep control  
Keep control

Yeah, he launches those grenades  
They break the front lines  
Then through the blood and guts he'd wade  
To set one more trap  
They respawn  
And then charge  
Right to the demoman  
They all want to kill him  
But he detonates

He blew them up to keep control  
The sight of their massive blood loss  
He blew them up while on patrol  
The big explosion dug a hole  
It looked so bad  
It looked so good  
They blew up right where they stood  
He blew them up to keep control  
Keep control

Demos they are such crazy guys  
One eye, black skin, liquid napalm  
They live to blow everything up  
They want to win the game  
Too bad they don't have a shotgun

He blew them up to keep control  
The sight of their massive blood loss  
He blew them up while on patrol  
The big explosion dug a hole  
It looked so bad  
It looked so good  
They blew up right where they stood  
He blew them up to keep control  
Keep control

:end:

So, here's another one. I've also at this point thought of an idea for the podcast I listen to, so I'll be doing a random song for them as well. Which means I still have 5 to do! But the CP one will be relatively easy, so it's all good.

Yeah... addicted...

But anyway, here's the song for the Demoman. It's a parody of I kissed a Girl by Katy Perry. So... yeah.

I Kissed a Girl (c) Katy Perry  
Demoman, TF2 (c) Valve  
this song (c) me


	7. Headshot

All day

All day  
Looking through that glass lens  
Waiting nicely for that perfect shot  
All night  
Sitting in his hiding place  
Just stalking everyone  
Because tomorrow he might get that great kill  
Oh no  
It looks like he's been spotted by the  
BLU team  
And he'd better run

He's not insane, he's just a common sniper  
Watch him strike like a viper  
He misses and takes out an SMG  
And he will try to flee  
He's not insane, he's just wanting that headshot  
He hopes that he won't be caught  
And soon enough he's gunna scratch an X  
Through one more of his projects

He  
Doesn't let himself go to sleep  
Follows all the class' heads  
He knows  
He knows they're all going to fall sometime  
He can see them running  
Takes careful aim and follows them and pulls the  
Trigger  
Sees his bodies slump to the floor  
He bids  
Them all farewell

He's not insane, he's just a common sniper  
Watch him strike like a viper  
He misses and takes out an SMG  
And he will try to flee  
He's not insane, he's just wanting that headshot  
He hopes that he won't be caught  
And soon enough he's gunna scratch an X  
Through one more of his projects

He's been watching you all now  
Waiting until the time is right  
To put a bullet through your brain

He's not insane, he's just a common sniper  
Watch him strike like a viper  
He misses and takes out an SMG  
And he will try to flee  
He's not insane, he's just wanting that headshot  
He hopes that he won't be caught  
And soon enough he's gunna scratch an X  
Through one more of his projects  
He's gunna kill you all  
He's gunna get that shot  
He's just a common sniper  
Watch out for your head  
He is the sniper

:end:

So here's the parody song for the sniper, based off of the song Unwell by Matchbox 20. I really like that song... and it kinda seemed to fit the sniper relatively, so I just kinda went with it.

Only two more classes to do, and then those two or three extra ones I'm planning. I have one of them (the CP one) completely finished, but I won't post it until I finish up the pure TF2 ones.

Unwell (c) Matchbox 20  
Sniper, TF2 (c) Valve  
this song (c) me


	8. Lean on Him

Sometimes in a match we all might die  
But then there is one  
He will save us all  
We know he won't stop until he's done

Call on him, when you might die  
And he'll save your life  
He'll use his medigun  
For the hour is nigh  
For you to win this  
Assists are so fun

Please come to get healed  
When you're about to be shot down  
'Cause you cannot win if you're all dead  
Charge in healed instead

Call on him, when you might die  
And he'll save your life  
He'll use his medigun  
For the hour is nigh  
For you to win this  
Assists are so fun

If you're being chased by a pyro  
And you're on fire  
Yeah you know his name  
He'll control the flame  
If you just call him

So just call on the medic, when you're in the red  
We all need that medic to heal us  
When you have him right by you the BLUs will be dead  
We all need that medic to heal us

Call on him, when you might die  
And he'll save your life  
He'll use his medigun  
For the hour is nigh  
For you to win this  
Assists are so fun

Come heal me…

:end:

Here be the song for the medic, based off of Lean on Me by Bill Withers. It really seemed to suit him... what with him being a medic and everyone coming to him for help and all.

Anyway... yeah. Only the Heavy song and the TF2 song to go, and then I'll be completely done. I'm having trouble with the heavy one, though... so I don't know when it'll come.

Lean on Me (c) Bill Withers  
Medic, TF2 (c) Valve  
this song (c) me


	9. Heavy Guy

In the desert at the first cap point  
There's a shack built up right down there  
And you help build up a sentry there so that you can  
Defend it

The match starts, they all run out  
And you're all alone, to fix the sentry  
You wonder where they went, at this time  
So you take a deep breath and look out

And the scene that you see right outside could only be bloody  
Through all the killing crept a someone who was never your buddy

And there's a heavy guy  
That's right behind you  
He's got a minigun  
Blow you to pieces

And there's a heavy guy  
That's right in front of you  
He's got two giant fists  
Punch your face in

So you yelp and you jump away  
And you run through back to your spawn  
In a minute you start to go back  
'Cause you want to save that sentry

In the shack there's a single BLU  
With a revolver and a sapper too  
When he sees you he tries to cloak  
But you think that you can wrench him

So you hop down to the cap point and start chasing him around  
But he ducks behind a corner and a heavy you have found

And there's a heavy guy  
That's right behind you  
He's got a minigun  
Blow you to pieces

And there's a heavy guy  
That's right in front of you  
He's got two giant fists  
Punch your face in

And when you try to run the guy is chasing after you  
And when you do attack the guy says you are puny too  
The guy is in your map at your cap point and he's on your lawn  
The guy is in your face and in your screen and in your spawn – and you are dead meat

Now it's late and you're frustrated  
'Cause you just can't win 'cause he's always there  
And the guy disapprovingly asks  
If you'll ever be a worthy foe  
You decide that you've had enough  
And you change your class to confuse him now  
You strafe around that heavy guy  
And you plan to return all that you owe

As he looks around you spin your minigun and look with shock  
Far too late you see he has the new heavy unlocks

And there's a heavy guy  
That's right behind you  
He's got a minigun  
Blow you to pieces

And there's a heavy guy  
That's right in front of you  
He's got two giant fists  
Punch your face in

:end:

And here's the one for the heavy! It's based off of Creepy Doll by Jonathan Coulton. Yeah...

As of now I have all my TF2 songs done, and won't come out with any more (once I post up the other two) until I come up with a new idea. Or for a long while... whichever comes first.

AND MAN, I LOVE THESE JELLYBEANS!

Creepy Doll (c) Jonathan Coulton  
Heavy, TF2 (c) Valve  
this song (c) me


	10. Team Fortress 2

A little sexual frustration

I think I will log onto my steam  
With excitement my eyes do gleam  
Jump for joy and then I do scream  
I love Team Fortress 2  
I can't concentrate on work  
All my bosses I must shirk  
Now I must seem like a jerk  
I love Team Fortress 2

Two months ago  
I finally got this great game  
And here I sit all day  
Killing pyros and fragging demomen  
Why must I leave my trusty laptop?  
And miss all the action  
Yeah, I miss all the action  
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah  
Team Fortress 2  
Wee ooo wee ooo

I try to kill all of the blues  
I think I really need a snooze  
But to stay here is what I choose  
I can't seem to get a kill  
I don't want nothing to eat  
Think I'll stay right in my seat  
I love Team Fortress 2

Minnie Mae  
Why did you have to get  
Addicted to that game?  
You pushed real life away

Simon  
I didn't mean to get so obsessed  
Now could you just let me play?  
I'm missing the action  
Yeah, I miss all the action  
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah  
Team Fortress 2  
Wee ooo wee ooo

Now I'm staring at the screen  
My kills nearing seventeen  
This is such a bloody scene  
I think I need some more caffeine

I don't want to go to work  
All my bosses I must shirk  
I don't want nothing to eat  
Think I'll stay right in my seat

Two months ago  
I finally got this great game  
And here I sit all day  
Killing pyros and fragging demomen  
Why must I leave my trusty laptop  
And miss all the action  
Yeah, I miss all the action  
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah  
Team Fortress 2  
Wee ooo wee ooo

:end:

Here's the second to last song, about Team Fortress 2 as a whole. It's based off of Prozzak's Strange Disease. Only one left to go now.

Strange Disease (c) Prozzak  
Team Fortress 2 (c) Valve  
this song (c) me


	11. CP Time

CP time – time for you to laugh at, laugh at Wes's candy corn  
CP time – time for you to see all Eric's mad editing skills  
CP time – time for you to find out what Spencer's doing with jellyfish  
CP time – You might hear Brent but then again you might wish

I know what I want to listen to  
I know what I want to listen to  
I know what I want to listen to  
Listen to…

CP time – time for you to listen to your all time favourite podcast  
CP time – Find out what's gone on in the TF2 world and have a blast  
So load up your MP3 and slip on your cool headphones – I hope you like what you hear  
Cp time – the craziness of this show is always definitely clear

Yeah, I know what I want to listen to  
I know what I want to listen to  
I know what I want to listen to  
Listen to…

CP time – time for you to listen to your all time favourite podcast…

I know what I want to listen to  
I know what I want to listen to  
I know what I want to listen to  
Listen to…

CP time – the craziness of this show is always definitely clear…

:end:

So this is the song I've made as a tribute to Control Point. Just 'cause. Yeah. It's based off of Closing Time by Semisonic.

It's simple and it contains some in-jokes, so if you don't listen to the podcast/lurk on the forums, I don't expect you'll get some of the stuff.

But anyway... This is the final song I'm going to put up here for now.

Closing Time (c) Semisonic  
Control Point (c) DWP  
this song (c) me


	12. Follow CP

This was a trainwreck  
I'm making a note here: more content  
It's hard to overstate the mass randomness

Control Point Podcast  
They record in Ustream because it's fun  
So we all can get our fix  
Except the ones who aren't there

But there's no sense crying over every class question  
They just focus on the good stuff and get them out of the way  
But the songs, they get played and the e-mails get sent  
From the people that follow CP

Things sometimes get crazy  
But they continue on their way  
Even though we made them caramelldansen  
And printscreened them dancing  
And made motivational posters  
As we laughed they said "OH CRAP"  
They all knew what was coming

Now we're all still waiting  
For episode 50  
And we're all wondering  
Where is the CP Book?  
But we're GLaD they're still here  
Think of all the time wasted  
For the people that follow CP

Go ahead and shout out  
"Where on earth did Spencer go?"  
Maybe we'll find someone to replace him  
Maybe Ashwilliams  
That was a joke  
Haha, fat chance  
His ego is way overblown  
He thinks he's better than you

Look at Milkshake still singing  
While there's talking to do  
When we see Fortress Busters  
It makes us want to participate  
The community projects  
Slowly coming together  
'Cause of the people that follow CP

And believe us we  
Follow CP

We're being assclowns and we  
Follow CP

We watch every Sunday and  
Follow CP

We listen every Wednesday and  
Follow CP

And when the updates come we'll  
Follow CP

Follow CP  
Follow CP

::End::

Yuppers, I made another parody song, another one for CP. It debuts on the show today... yeah, that's right. I actually got off mah butt and attempted to sing it, and also sent it in. I'm a horrible person lol.

anyway... if y'all are interested I might put it up on youtube or some such thing.

I also have another few tf2 parody songs in the works, one for When I Grow Up and one for Dare. Hopefully those'll be up.. sometime.

Still Alive (c) Jonathan Coulton  
Follow CP (c) me (randominuyasha)


	13. Goldrush Time

Goldrush, Goldrush time is near  
Time for carts and time for fear  
We're playing good but we can't last  
With the BLU team coming fast

Stop the BLU team in their tracks  
Spy will stab them in their backs  
We won't let them win this round  
We can't let them rebound

Here they come they're going strong  
Now we know it won't be long  
By us now they're pushing past  
Right toward the final blast

We have failed they've gotten through  
It's time to bid adieu

::End::

So, here's the christmas song I wrote for Control Points latest episode, the third Christmas episode. While in previous years they've done the writing and recording, this time they handed it over to the community. I knew I wouldn't sing it but sent it in anyway, and whaddaya know, they found someone to do it!

It's best sung to the Christmas Song by Alvin and the Chipmonks... XD


End file.
